The Hardest Thing
by Allenby Beardsley
Summary: Song fic. Couples end up being D/R, A/OC, C/S, A/N, and SS/C. Lots of Domon angst. I think it's good, review please?...


Domon knocked on her door, not a hundred percent sure why he was there in the first place.  _Please…please don't be there…_ he pleaded in the back of his mind as he still stood there.  Yet, his heart wanted her to be; he wanted to be able to take one last look at her, the person who held his heart in her delicate hands.  

"Coming!" her voice chimed, and he commanded his legs over and over again to run away, but he stood glued to floor, right outside her door.  Suddenly the door opened, and she gasped in shock at seeing him standing before her.  "Domon…"

"Allenby…" he whispered back, staring into her jade-green eyes in a mixture of feelings.  They could only stare at each other, wanting, loving, desiring, self-condemning…

"What are you doing here?…I thought you'd be with the guys or…" she began weakly, unable to finish the last part.  He nodded.

"I…I know…" was all he was able to say.  They wanted to hold each other, they wanted to kiss, they wanted to be together forever, but they knew they couldn't.  Just a little over a hour ago, Domon, with the help of his childhood friend and "true love" Rain, defeated the Dark Gundam.  He could tell that she was trying to keep herself together; he guessed he was too.  She bit her lip, her breaths quick and painful as she was fighting back the tears that were forming in her eyes.  He gulped hard, his fists clenched tightly, as he could feel his body begin to slightly tremble in pain.

**We both know I shouldn't be here

This is wrong

And baby it's killin' me, it's killin' you 

Both of us tryin' to be strong**

He shouldn't be here at her hotel room…he should be back with Rain.  He should be with her like he promised her.  Ever since he told her that he loved her to free her from the Dark Gundam and to save the world, he knew that there would be no turning back, that he would have to stay with Rain forever.  But…but he still was in love with Allenby.  Rain had been his best friend since they were kids…she was a good girl, she deserved better than this.

**I've got somewhere else to be

Promises to keep

Someone else who loves me

And trusts me fast asleep

I've made up my mind

There is no turning back

She's been good to me

And she deserves better than that**

Fearfully, she looked up at him, tears sliding down her cheeks.  "D..Domon…I…" she started, taking a half step towards him, coming out from her doorway to the hall.

"I…I know…"

They both looked to the floor, trying to hide their pain and love, but failing.  She nervously licked her lips and gulped hard, the large knot in the throat now noticeable to her, and she looked to him again, his black eyes normally cheerful and full of life around her were now sad and filled with hurt beyond words.  "C…Can we just go for a walk?…" she timidly requested, her lips quivering from trying not to cry in front of him; she always had to be so strong.

He should say no.  He knew that he would just only regret his decision even more and that he would just end up hurting her more, knowing that they couldn't do anything, no matter how much their hearts desired to, if he agreed.  "Yes," he answered, following his heart instead of his conscience or his mind.  She sadly smiled at him, and Domon wanted to cry right then and there.  Not since Kyoji died had he wanted to cry, but this did it.  He loved Allenby, and she loved him, and they couldn't be together, and living with this lie was tearing them both up.

They went out for a stroll on the docks, where they had first talked after their match at the arcade that night.  Fond memories flooded both of their minds and strangled their hearts.  Subconsciously, he reached out for her hand and held it in his.  His warmth felt so good and comfortingly, that even though she should've pulled away, she let him hold it as they continued walking.  Suddenly, he pushed it away and took a good step and a half away from her.  She looked up at him shocked and was about to ask why when out of the corner of her eye, she saw Chibodee, his crew, and Sai Saici with Cecil standing nearby, looking at them suspiciously.  

The two stood up straight, staring at each other blankly for awhile.  His eyes looked dead as he gazed into her green eyes filled with longing and hurt.  This was killing him, and what had to be done would destroy his soul and heart.

_I'm sorry Allenby…I'm so sorry my love…Gomen nasai…I hope one day you can come to forgive me for this…"_ he thought painfully.  He took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a second.  When he opened them, he was almost glaring at her coldly.  "I don't love you Allenby!" he snapped.  

It was a lie, they both knew it, but for the rest of the world, it had to be the truth.  She knew this would happen, yet the pain was a shock to her as she heard his words.  The lump in her throat returned, this one larger, so she couldn't speak and only nodded slowly.  Her eyes had tears pouring out of them, no matter how hard she tried to keep them back.  It was killing him to do that to her, and he had to fight back every fiber of his being from running out to her and comforting her.  The sight of her crying was bad enough, but to just stand there and do nothing but glare at her was slowly giving him a torturous death.

"I…I know…" she finally whispered back.  To complete his act, he quickly turned his back to her and walked off, never looking back at her, never telling her goodbye.  Her eyes watched him painfully as he continued walking, and she clenched her fists tightly and looked down at the sand, trying her best not to start bawling, but she could tell that was a battle she also wouldn't win.  As quickly as he had done, she turned around and began to run back to her hotel room as fast as she could.

**It's the hardest thing

I'll ever have to do

To look you in the eye

And tell you I don't love you

It's the hardest thing

I'll ever have to lie

To show no emotion when you start to cry

I can't let you see

What you mean to me

When my hands are tied

And my heart's not free

We're not meant to be

It's the hardest thing

I'll ever have to do

To turn around and walk away

Pretending I don't love you**

It was for the best.  He left for Neo-Japan with Rain two days later without telling her goodbye.  It would hurt them both too much.  Plus, he didn't know if he could really say those words to her.  He wouldn't be able to walk away from her again.  But deep down, he knew it wasn't the end yet; he knew that they would meet each other again one day, maybe at the next Gundam Tournament four years down the road or sooner.  Fate had a sick sense of humor and loved to torture him.  Maybe she would move on like she had told him earlier, maybe she would find a nice man that would be able to love her in a way he never could…No!  No man could love her like he could!  But, maybe he would be able to be with her and not have to leave her for someone else.  

This was killing him.  He hated that he had to lie and treat her so badly, but…it was for her own good, right?  He had to push her away so she could move on and find someone else to love, so she could have true happiness.  "Oh Allenby…" he whispered, alone in his room, sitting down on the floor with his back leaning against the wall, tears filling his eyes.  "I'm so sorry…You'll never know how much I love you…This is the only way I can prove it…I know you won't understand now…I know you probably hate me, but…But I did it for you…"  

She would find someone else, he knew in his heart.  Who would not want her?  She was so fun, kind, beautiful, and strong, who could resist?  Well, obviously not him.  He began to breathe heavily as a couple of tears slid down his cheek, and he looked at the photo he still kept of her standing on top of her Noble Gundam after her match with Argo. 

So, he gave her up in order for her to find someone and for her to live in a life she'll love, while he lived in misery…some happy ending this was!  A couple of tears slid down his cheeks as he held his head in his hands, her picture falling onto the floor next to him, whispering her name over and over again.

**I know that we'll meet again

Fate has a place and time

So you can get on with your life

I've got to be cruel to be kind

Like Dr. Zhivago

All my love I'll be sending

And you'll never know

'Cause there can be no happy ending**

It was now a year later, he had never forgotten about her.  He tried to calm himself as his eyes kept scanning across the room for her.  The whole gang was meeting at Neo-France's palace in honor of two things: the first year anniversary of the defeat of the Dark Gundam, and the engagement of George to Marie-Louise.  Allenby had been invited as well, and he was trying to not look obvious as he was still attempting to find her.

Rain smiled brightly as she held his hand on top of the table, breaking his thoughts.  "You ok?" she asked concerned.  Domon turned and threw a smile onto his face for her.

  
"Of course dearest," he said, caressed her cheek, then kissed her.  As she was returning the favor, Domon could feel someone's eyes on them.  Thinking it was the Shuffle Alliance, he opened his eyes, fixing to glare at whichever member happened to be staring at them.  However, his eyes widen in shock when he saw Allenby standing on the other side of the room, looking at them, crying silently when she saw the sight.  She shook her head once and quickly took off.  

He wanted to go chasing after her, to tell her that it was all just a act, that he still loved only her, but he knew he couldn't.  He ended the kiss, and Rain snuggled up against him.  He faintly smiled down at her and cuddled her, seeming like he was happy.  On the inside though, he wanted to cry and kill himself for what he did to Allenby a year and for the new pain that he had given her.  

**It's the hardest thing 

I'll ever have to do

To look you in the eye

And tell you I don't love you

It's the hardest thing

I'll ever have to lie

To show no emotion when you start to cry

I can't let you see 

What you mean to me

When my hands are tied

And my heart's not free

We're not meant to be

It's the hardest thing 

I'll ever have to do

To turn around and walk away

Pretending I don't love you**

Finally, near the end of the party, when everyone was either talking to Marie-Louise or George, Domon approached her.  "Hi Allenby…" he said softly; she spun around, and when her eyes saw him behind her, she sighed in relief, looked at him happily for a moment, before casting her eyes away as if she just remembered the scene from one year ago.

"…Hello Domon…" she responded just as soft.  She rubbed her arms as though she was trying to push off the pain from her.  He stepped closer to her and placed his hand on her shoulder.  She flinched slightly at the touch, conflicted on whether to tilt her head against it or to push it away.  Instead, she just stood there.  

"I…I'm sorry…"

She nodded.  "I know…"  The silence was as thick as the tension between the two and hung around them like a fog, but he broke the silence.

"Allenby…I really am sorry… I wish there was another way," he replied, rubbing her shoulder.  She gripped his hand, still looking away from him.

"There isn't one though… Maybe another time, another world, another life we could've been together, but…this one…this isn't that life."  She turned around slowly and looked up at him with tears in her eyes and a sad small smile.  "Our time…"  She paused and stroked his cheek.  "Our time was when we were at the arcade…when we were a tag team…when we walked together on the docks.  That was our time Domon.  Short, fleeting, with a bitter ending, but still sweet and filled with a love that I would never trade for."  She dropped her hand and gazed into his eyes.  "Our time is gone… It's now the time for you and Rain to shine."

He frowned slightly and caressed her cheek.  "But what about you?…" he whispered almost inaudibly.  She looked down, avoiding eye contact with him.  "What will happen to you?…"

"..I…I'll just…I'll just have to move on…"  Suddenly, her watch began beeping, and she stepped away.  She looked at him, torn between wanting to run away and cry and jump into his arms and be held by him forever.  "I…I have to go.  I still have to train… G-Goodbye Domon Kasshu…"

"Ja ne Allenby Beardsley…Ai shiteru…"  She smiled at him sadly and nodded slowly.

"I…I'll never forget you."  He nodded and watched as she ran out of the palace, out of his sight… out of his life.  With one quick glance to where she ran off to, he turned around and walked back to Rain.

**Maybe another time, another day

As much as I want to, I can't stay

I've made up my mind

There is no turning back

She's been good to me

And she deserves better than that**

The year Future Colony 64.  Three years, for three long years he had been without her.  Over that time, he did learn to love Rain, and they were now engaged themselves, but… But deep down in his heart, he still loved Allenby.  He was excited; he was finally going to see her again!  He wondered how much she had changed.  

He got into his Burning Gundam and suited himself up for the parade they were holding.  Four years ago, he came to fight in this tournament to save his father; now, he was here to see the one woman he loved truly deep down in his heart.  He glanced over at the over members of the Shuffle Alliance.  So many things had changed since the last Gundam Tournament…

Argo was freed from prison two years ago, and it was now rumored that him and Natasha were secretly dating…

Sai Saici was now a man and now almost stood as tall as Domon and was going steady with Cecil as well…

Chibodee had retired from boxing three years ago…when he found out that Shirley was pregnant with his kid; they were married within three months after they found out and had a baby boy…

George became a prince after him and Marie-Louise were married a year ago…

But what about Allenby?  Where was she?  What had happened to her over the years?  Was she even going to be participating at this year's tournament?

He watched as the announcer called out the Shuffle Alliance members one by one, anxiously awaiting for Neo-Sweden.

"Once again," the announcer continued in her annoyingly hyper voice, "is Noble Gundam from Neo-Sweden!!  And once again, the pilot of this Mobile Suit is the talented Allenby Beardsley!!  She has returned to fight in her second tournament and has worked and dedicated much of her energy and has reached her goal of banning the Berserker system from her Gundam!  Her team members consist of Dr. Behluima, who is returning from the last tournament as well, and Hans O' Neil, her fiancée!!"

Domon couldn't believe it… She was engaged.  She was going to get married.  He had never seen he so happy as when she told him about her love with Hans.  He wondered if she remembered the words she said to him two years ago.  

Did she still love him?  He couldn't explain why, but his heart almost broke again.  Why should he be sad?  Shouldn't he be happy that she finally got over him and was able to move on?  Because a part of him still was in love with her, still wanted to be with her, still wanted to marry her himself.  He guessed he should try and do as she did and move on, but…but it seemed to him he had been in love with her too long.  But there was no real way out of it.  He would just have to carry on somehow, but he still had to admit.  That day…when he told Rain that lie and turned Allenby away like she was nothing…it was the hardest thing.

**It's the hardest thing

I'll ever have to do

To look you in the eye

And tell you I don't love you

It's the hardest thing

I'll ever have to lie

To show no emotion

When you start to cry

I can't let you see

What you mean to me

When my hands are tied

And my heart's not free

We're not meant to be

It's the hardest thing 

I'll ever have to do

To turn around and walk away

Pretending I don't love you**

~A/N: Aww, poor Domon, Allenby, and Rain!  Aren't I the most evil person you've ever met?  Was it angsty enough?  Hope so.  Please read and review; this did take me a long time to finish, so some feedback would be nice.  I don't own G Gundam or that song, "The Hardest Thing."  I only own the idea and Hans O' Neil.     


End file.
